At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
