she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize