Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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