You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
