Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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