Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Someone came in the potted fern
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
