if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
