Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
