woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
