I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
