Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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