My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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