Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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