so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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