Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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