would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
