i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
