his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
