She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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