Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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