You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
