if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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