you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
