Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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