just tell him i said nine months
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
