I'm drive I can fine osifer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
