I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
