I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
