Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
