My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
