I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just threw up on my dentist
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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