do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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