Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize