I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
