1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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