Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
