I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I die, sorry about rent.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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