we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
