Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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