Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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