You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
