I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
