Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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