that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
MIDGETS
????
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
