I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
