I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I want is dick and wine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize