I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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