how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
