i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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