Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
