You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
