apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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