She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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