Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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