hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
