p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
