he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
