So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
