I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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