i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
