just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
