Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
