hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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