is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
