wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
