I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
