well most of my day revolves around power hour
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
