just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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