i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
