Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
